i've been thinking about this truth thingy for a few weeks. have had some discussions with a few friends, just to find out their opinions and views about the truth? some says, the truth is not important, the truth is a liquid, there's no truth.....well, after listening to all these views. i began to think to myself. i'd like to find out, at this moment. yes, to find out the truth. what is truth in actual meaning? is it related to the universe that we're living? or is it related to everything that we have or is there anything that holds the truth, and we would never ever discover it?
is it a paramount to find out truth? is it really important in our life? I guess yes. in some matters, we do need to find out the truth. i think the truth is something related to knowledge and opinions. i guess, to find out the truth i always have to have some kinda knowledge and opinions, then, i'll have the truth. is it true? is that how we suppose to know the truth? or do we need to a truth to make certain decisions?
will the truth actually helps us in finding our purpose? is it important to know the purpose of our brief existence in this world? why are we here? what are we doing here? just to survive and live on till we check-in to the Hotel California? so, now, where's the truth? should i ever give up in finding the truth, in everything? is the truth associates with something in our life? i think it is. but, wait...i'm just confused at this point of time on whether i should ever find out the truth because the truth might hurt or it might clear some of the confusions that i have all along the way. like people always say, the truth hurts. do we need to tell? some truth might benefits, just like someone are being accidentally accused of doing some criminals. truth will bring justice to them. does this truth steers us in our purpose of life?
in my case, my bitter experience is, the truth hurts me, cuts me deep down inside, makes me bleed and depresses me. always. yes, and forever. the truth has actually leaves a dark bitter mark in my heart, leaves a deep cut wound in my heart. the more i find out the more it hurts me. i finally has given up in finding any truth in my life. eversince then, i never ever want to find out any truth anymore. to me, i had the experience of finding the truth, hence, it's called a knowledge to me, it gives me a negative result. therefore, i have the knowledge of not finding the truth because it will give me unhappiness.
i have tried my level best of finding the truth that i always wanted to know. i digged, investigated for the information that i'm dying to know. i gathered all the information, analysed it and asked people around. i have the bitter truth finally. yes, i should say it was bitter. despite of all the efforts and energy, i'm still unsatisfied of the result. i discovered the stupidity in me. i want a truth of my own. yeah...my own interpretation of truth. i was trying to hide away from the truth. based on my almost-sharp-intuitions, i should've known the truth. but, too bad, too stupid, i hid away and did not recognise the truth which was almost surface at that time. so, again, i have the knowledge of, when i wanna find out some *truth*, it means a proof to me. a proof to myself why did such things happened to me. the truth is a proof to me.
eversince then, i feel free of finding the truth. whatever it is, the truth is depends on i see it, my opinions and knowledge towards it. i can be the truth or i can assume it. ain't it? but, i feel better that way and feel good about it. it's better not to know the truth or curious about it. let it go and let it flow naturally. i believe one day, the truth will discover for itself. it's just a matter of time, or by God's will. if it's God's will, the truth discovers itself. or maybe, at one point of time, i will learn the truth and everything will discover by itself, slowly and the answers are gonna give me a big satisfying smile.
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